Today's Note From a Madman

Wednesday, April 6, 2005


They Wouldn't, Would They?


Members of the Senate and House are flying to Rome to see Pope John Paul II as he lies in state. Must be that a picture crying over a REAL world leader with the respect of BILLIONS is worth a thousand words, even if those Republican tears would be of the crocodile variety. Nevertheless, I'm sure that many, if not most of our country's leaders feel the way most of US do: Sad for John Paul's passing and glad to have had him for so many years.

WHAT IF: Doctor/ Senator/ Majority Leader Bill Frist and Exterminator/ House Whip Tom Delay got off the plane and immediately had pearls of wisdom to offer: Delay blamed the Pope's death on the Democrats while Frist examined John Paul via a television monitor, and like Miracle Max from the Princess Bride, announced that his Holiness was only "mostly dead." Frist then ordered the feeding tube to be reconnected and announced that the Senate would take up a special bill this Friday at 1:00AM.

WHAT IF: President Bush got off Air Force One with brother Jeb Bush at his side and announced that the "Pope's heirs would have been better off if his Social Security earnings had been put in a Private Account," he continued "That way they would have something tangible to remember him by." Andrew Card was seen slapping his forehead in disbelief, then rushed the president away.

WHAT IF: Arizona Senator John McCain, New York Governor George Pitaki and Soon-to-be-defeated Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum were seen sliding down the emergency escape shoot on the back of Air Force One trying to catch up to the President and his Chief of Staff. Karl Rove drove them away in the other direction.

WHAT IF: Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson, another Texas Republican then, almost magically, appeared on the tarmac at Rome's Leonardo da Vinci - Fiumicino Airport explaining to the press what President Bush "actually meant."

WHAT IF: Former US and New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani was the last to arrive. He got off a propeller plane that flew in from "parts unknown" still apologizing to the president for Bernie "Have I Slept With You Yet?" Kerik.


Members of the US Congress are climbing all over each other to be at the funeral of Pope John Paul II at St. Peter's Basilica.


They couldn't, could they? We know what these people did to Terri Schiavo. How far will they go?


-Noah Greenberg

The Other DeLay Revisited

In a follow-up to "The Other DeLay", and "Guess who received over $200,000 from the Alexander Strategy Group, a LOBBYING FIRM? Christine DeLay," first reported by NATIONALVIEW.ORG on March 31, 2005, NATIONALVIEW.ORG would like to thank The New York Times, The Washington Post and other news agencies for FINALLY reporting the truth about Tom Delay. He is nothing more than a thief. I would have said petty thief, but $500,000 is not petty, unless you're a Republican, I guess.

My congratulations to the FEC (Federal Election Commission), as well, for also realizing that Tom DeLay is a crook. DeLay's wife and daughter have "earned" $500,000 from the Majority Leader's PAC (Political Action Committee), Americans for a Republican Majority, or ARMPAC (sounds like ARMPIT, doesn't it?) since 2001. Good work if you can get it.

The "fees" were described as "fund-raising fees," "campaign management" or "payroll." Boy, am I in the wrong line of work.

I guess Christine DeLay (wife), Dani DeLay Ferro (daughter) don't have to worry about filling up their SUV's while gasoline prices soar to the $60 per gallon mark.

"Mrs. DeLay provides big picture, long-term strategic guidance and helps with personnel decisions. Ms. Ferro is a skilled and experienced professional event planner who assists Armpac in arranging and organizing individual events."
-ARMPAC, in a statement released on Tuesday, April 5, 2005

These "payments" to Mrs. DeLay (Tom DeLay's wife) and Mrs. DeLay-Ferro (Tom Delay's Daughter) are seen as "overly generous" by most campaign finance reform advocacy groups.

Lest we forget, at least two of Representative DeLay's former employees are now under indictment for violating Texas campaign finance laws. Another former employee, Ed Buckham, his former Chief of Staff has taken a lucrative job with the Alexander Strategy Group, who received at least $411,000 from Enron between 1999 and 2001, according to The Dallas-Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

"It's DeLay Inc. If it's not illegal, it certainly is inappropriate for members of Congress to use their positions to enrich their families."
-Melanie Sloan, executive director of Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington

Maybe we should just give up and start calling our country, "The DELAY States of America."


-Noah Greenberg

A First Amendment Minute

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."
-The First Amendment


Ya' gotta love that.

Don’t be surprised to see it attacked. Don’t be shocked to hear the “new interpretation” of the first amendment changed. Even though the very first line of the very first Constitutional Amendment says, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion,” expect an attack. Expect to hear Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity or Laura Ingram say, “This is a Judeo-Christian society, and it needs to be treated as such.”

Everything right and civil liberty is on the table with these guys, including the First Amendment.


-Noah Greenberg

Campaign Finance Reform
No more political contributions

Imagine a world in which politicians had to run on their reputation or record. Here's how we can make it happen (in a Utopian Society, of course):

All television and radio advertisements should be considered as simple ads performed by the candidates themselves or a member of their campaign staff, not actors. Each candidate will be supplied an amount of points to be used as currency in order to purchase time. For example, assume that a candidate for U.S. Senate is running in a State with two metropolitan areas. The candidate will be allotted 5000 points for each metropolitan area to use on both radio and television. Candidate "A" decides that an all out radio blitz during drive time is the best means to reach his audience. Drive time spots would cost 10 points per each segment. Candidate "B" decides television ads during a high ratings sporting event is best. These spots might run as high as 100 points for each spot. It would be the choice of the candidate how best to spend their new points-based currency Congressional candidates would be allotted fewer points and presidential candidates would be allotted considerably more.


-An Original Idea that didn't die of loneliness, by Noah Greenberg

I wonder what's going on in Alabama

It seems that the Alabama Education System has too much money. The Republicans in the lower house have ground the state to a halt trying to steal that money. Gov. Bob Riley and the Republican House in the Legislature want to use the $70.2 million from the Education Trust Fund, a kind of "lock box" to pay expenses that is currently being paid by the General Fund. Democrats won't let them do it. The lower house of the Alabama Legislature is controlled by the Republicans. The Upper House is controlled by the Democrats.

"Republicans sought to keep the House from getting a quorum by leaving the House floor. Their plan backfired when (Speaker) Hammett declared there was a quorum present. (Rep. and committee chairman John) Knight then called for a vote on the budget, which passed 46-40."
-The Montgomery (AL) Advertiser, April 6, 2005

So what do you think the Republicans are doing about it? The Republicans are filibustering bill after bill in order to grind the already slow wheels of government to a halt.

By the way, in case you were wondering, Alabama's Public School system is ranked 46th in the nation. Maybe they could come up with some other ways to use $70.2 million dollars.


-Noah Greenberg

Stupid Quotes


"It's a much more cost effective approach,"
-Stephen L. Johnson, Acting head of the EPA and President Bush's nominee to remove the word "acting" from his title, regarding the cap-and-trade program which allows polluters to "purchase" additional rights to "pollute"

When asked to permanently halt a program which allowed parents in a Florida community to spray insecticides into their homes to see how their infants would react in a couple of years, the best Johnson could offer was to keep the program "suspended" only. Outspoken Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) pleaded with Johnson to stop the "appalling, unethical and immoral, "program "tomorrow", to no avail.

"This program is the worst kind of thing; it's environmental injustice where children are the victims."
-Senator Boxer

When Senator James M. Jeffords (I-VT) warned Johnson not to become "a rubber stamp for White House policies," the acting EPA chief he would strongly support preferences of the administration.

What a punk.

Mr. Johnson, as a scientist and a 24 year employee of the EPA, you should know better.


-Noah Greenberg

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-Noah Greenberg