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This Is What Democracy Looks Like

www.NationalView.org's Note From a Madman

July 1, 2008

 

A Novel Solution

I have the solution for the problems in Iraq. And it's so simple that one can argue there can be no other solution. Here's all we have to do:

MAKE IRAQ THE 51st US STATE!

The three best reasons to bring Iraq into the fold as our next state are LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. Iraq could end up being like a Visa card for George W. Bush: It's everywhere he wants to be. And if they can get Iraqi statehood done by January 20, 2009, President Bush will truly have his wish - he would be president of Iraq! But in the more-than-likely event that statehood couldn't be carried out in time for his leaving office, maybe Bush can run for Governor of Iraq. How much different can that be from Texas?

And there are more reasons for annexing Iraq as our newest state in the union. Oil, and plenty of it. Iraq is the second largest oil producing nation in the world. Certainly having all of that oil under land now deemed the property of the United States will make it that much easier for Big Oil companies, such as Condi Rice's Chevron, and ExxonMobil to get their paws on it. Keeping the Bush-McCain-McBush "base of haves and have mores" in the black (as in oil) should be reason enough to make Iraq state number 51.

Right?

Recently we heard that Iraq was allowing major Big Oil corporations the ability to take the black gold from under their sand. They feel that they just can't do it without them. It will be the first time that someone other than the Iraqi people will be producing the crude in thirty years. And there is a promise that soon, very soon, Iraq oil will be up for bid.

So why shouldn't all of that stuff be ours?

It is, however, a real good deal for both nations. In exchange for the most sought after natural resource the planet has to offer, the Iraqi people get all of the benefits of being American citizens: They'll get to vote, assuming they can make it out of the house (and if repeats of American Idol aren't on); They'll get to borrow money from banks at astronomical rates and pay fees that are both punitive and exorbitant; and get the kinds of jobs similar to the ones we enjoy right here in the lower 48 - until they're outsourced to "Communist" China or India. (By the way, shouldn't we stop calling it "Communist China" by now?)

Personally, I'd like to see who the people of the new free US state of Iraq would elect to public office, besides Governor Bush, of course. I want to see their new, probably Muslim Senators and Congressmen interact with the likes of Rep. Tom Tancredo and Senator Sam Brownback. C-SPAN would make for some mighty interesting television, don't you think?

As a matter of fact, Iraq would end up being the second largest state in the Union, population-wise. Only California's 36 million people would dwarf the 28 million new US state of Iraq citizens. Even Texas would lose a spot in the population ranking with a mere 23 million. (Sorry Texans - steer don't count.) Iraq would net somewhere around 40 electoral college votes!

After Iraq joins us they'll have the protection of the US Military as we do here. Imagine, they can have their National Guard, on call, in case of natural disaster. That is, of course, unless they're fighting another war for oil somewhere else. We can put troops and bases wherever we want.

Now wouldn't that be convenient?

And while we're at it, isn't it time we extended our borders to include Mexico as our 52nd state as well? Certainly the border is porous enough that it no longer makes any sense whatsoever to keep the two nations separate any longer. And shouldn't the few, new rich in Iraq have the ability to hire their new Mexican countrymen and women as servants?

Think of how mush easier it will be to protect our new southern border with Belize and Guatemala as our only neighbors. The border between State 52 and her neighbors would be a mere 750 miles as compared to the 2,000 miles we now have to guard - sort of.

and if that isn't enough, why not just take over all of South America. You know, make them all members of the USA. Certainly we can guard that little, tiny border between state number 59 (Panama) and Columbia. That's only 200 miles!

All is takes to solve the world's problems are a little ingenuity and a few quick wars to get things done. Invasion, domination and annexation and the world will be a more friendly place - at least to a Bushie.

What do you think?

-Noah Greenberg



In response to "Iraq Today - Blame the Commanders," Pat Thompson writes:

Oh yes, the stuff does run downhill. For example, it is so easy to blame the "few bad apples" who ran the torture operation at Abu Ghraib prison, who were Privates in the Army, being commanded by "private contractors" -- and not the Bush White House, Cheney and Rumsfield, who had ordered the policy. Read, or listen to, Al Gore's book Assault on Reason. It is the most well constructed indictment of the Bush administration on every front possible. It makes great listening on a long trip via book on CD.


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-Noah Greenberg