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This Is What Democracy Looks Like

Today's Note From a Madman

Thursday, July 5, 2007

 

"Coultering"

(from the verb "To Coulter")

"There are going to be more Americans who like Ann Coulter than who hate Ann Coulter."
-Ann Coulter on the O'Reilly Factor

"I'm more of a man than most liberals,"
-Coulter again from O'Reilly's show

And you wonder why I don't remove channel 26 (Fox News Channel) as a memorized channel on my television set. I'd miss great moments in American history like that! By the way. Ann... judging by that Adam's Apple, you're as much of a man than just about any other man on TV.

There's a new word in the English language and I just made it up. it's called "Coultering". It's definition is simple:
Coultering: (from "To Coulter) The act of self-promotion by degrading others

Have any of you ever wondered where Ann Coulter would be if there were no Fox News Channel? Probably on one of the several New American Gong Shows like America's Got Talent or Fear Factor eating a worm wondering if her fifteen minutes are up yet.

How bad is it for Coulter? Allow me to answer my own question (which is the preferred way Republican Presidential candidates answer questions). The picture on one of her books, "How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)," had a three-quarter length picture of her in a tight leather vest. (Sounds comfy, no?) On other book covers she was similarly clad. In another book, she wears a black tank top low cut enough to see some serious cleavage; on another book, she wears a black halter dress, going for the same look; and on still another book cover, she's in a skimpy black dress, apparently "waiting" for someone (you?) on a grassy knoll. (Coulter on a grassy knoll - hmm...)

If you're Wondering why Ann Coulter dresses the way she does on her book covers, allow me to explain: Even conservatives need something to do in the bathroom (use your imagination).

Did you ever go to a book store like Barnes & Noble? There are dozens of Coulter's books on the shelves and even more printed without ever being sold. Even more are sold to college and university libraries all, seemingly, with the intent of allowing her to say she's a best selling author. While riding the subways of New York City, and occasionally taking New Jersey Transit trains, I have yet to see anyone reading an Ann Coulter book, and I've been looking.

At the same time, notice how many books by "liberals" that are on the shelves. Either the book giant doesn't want to order them or they're simply flying off the shelves.

By the way, how well is Bill O'Reilly's book "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids" selling? There are plenty of those books in Barnes' & Noble's kid's section as well, tucked in next to the likes of "Good-Night Moon" and "Curious George".

And speaking of "Curious George", wouldn't it be great if our "President George" was a little more "curious"?

Coultering: Definition 2: The act of presenting hostility to cover up your hostile comments by rhetorically asking those you've insulted or whish dead, "Why are you so hostile to me?"

Here's an exercise: Use "Coultering" in a sentence. Here's mine: "I was "COULTERING" the guy into submission until he fought back. Then I had to "COULTER" him again.

-Noah Greenberg


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-Noah Greenberg